Mulla Nasruddin once took up a job as a coachman and one day had to drive his employer to a disreputable part of the town."Keep your eyes open," his employer advised him as he alighted from the coach at his destination. "This place is infested with thieves."Some time later the man thought of checking on his new employee."Is everything all right? What are you doing now?" he shouted from a window of the house he had gone into."I'm sitting here wondering what happens to a man's lap when he gets up," the Mulla shouted back.A little later the employer again shouted from the window""What are you doing now?!""I'm wondering what happens to a fist when the fingers are unclenched," shouted Nasruddin.His employer was impressed."My coachman is no ordinary fellow," he boasted to his hosts. "He is a philosopher!"Half an hour later he again poked his head out of the window and shouted!"What are you doing now?""I am wondering who stole the horses," replied the Mulla.
Sweet Quarrels
One day Mulla Nasruddin quarrelled with his wife. He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's house. The Mulla followed her there. The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats. When they returned to their house some time later, they began quarrelling again. When Nasruddin began shouting at her, his wife again opened the door to run out. "This time, go to the baker's house," he advised. "He makes delicious cakes."
Hodja Postpones Paying
One evening, Nasruddin Hodja's wife saw her husband walking up and down the verandah in great agitation."What's the matter?" she asked him."I borrowed a hundred dinars from our neighbour last month and I promised to return the money on the last day of this month," explained Hodja. "Tomorrow is the last day and I don't have the money. I don't know what to do.""What is there to do!" said his wife. "Go and tell him you can't pay!"Hodja took his wife's advice. When he returned from his neighbour's house he looked relaxed and happy."How did he take it?" asked his wife."Ah, well," said Hodja. "Now he is walking up and down his verandah.
The Mulla Pleads Poverty
MULLA Nasruddin was once brought before a judge by a man to whom he owed some money.The creditor said to the judge: "This man owes me 500 dinars which are long overdue. I request your excellency to order him to pay me immediately, without further delay.""I do owe him money," said the Mulla, "and I intend to pay him. I'll sell my cow and horse if necessary, but it'll take time.""He is lying," said the other man. "He doesn't have a cow or horse or anything of value for that matter. I am told he doesn't even have food in his house!""When he knows I am so poor, O Judge," said the Mulla, "ask him how he expects me to pay him immediately."The judge dismissed the case.
The Mulla in a Muddle
The Sultan’s elephant had wandered into Mulla Nasruddin Hodja’s village and was causing havoc in the fields.The villagers finally decided to go in a delegation to the Sultan and request him to take the elephant away. As Mulla Nasruddin was known to the ruler, they asked him to lead the delegation.When they arrived at the palace, the villagers were awed by the splendour of the surroundings and their courage deserted them. One by one they began to drop out of the group and slip away, so that when Hodja was finally in the Sultan’s presence he found to his dismay that he was alone. "Well, what do you want, Nasruddin!" snapped the Sultan, who was in a particularly bad mood that day."Y-your elephant is in our v-village, your Excellency," stuttered the Mulla."So?" growled the Sultan."So…so," said the Mulla, completely unnerved by the situation, "we, I mean I, have come to tell you that it is terribly lonely… please send it a companion."
Sour Reply
One day a man said to Nasruddin:"I've heard you've got vinegar that is 40 years old.""That is true," said Hodja."Will you give me some?" asked the man."If I gave vinegar to all those who asked, it wouldn't have become 40 years old," said Hodja.
Fired by Fear
Nasruddin Hodja was trying to raise a fire by blowing at the glowing embers of coal in the fireplace. All he succeeded in doing was to produce a thick cloud of smoke that stung his eyes. He put on his wife's cap to prevent the smoke from getting into his eyes and started blowing again.This time flames leaped up from the coal."Ahha!" said Hodja. "So you too are afraid of my wife."
Milk for the Mullah
One evening, a man carrying a can of milk stopped Mulla Nasruddin Hodja in the street and said he had a problem and wanted his advice."What's your problem?" asked Hodja."My problem is that though I never drink wine I feel intoxicated when I get up in the morning," explained the man."What do you drink last thing at night?" asked Hodja, eyeing the milkcan in his hand."Milk.""Just as I thought," said Hodja. "That is the cause of your problem.""Milk causes intoxication?" asked the man, astonished."It is like this," explained the Mulla. "You drink the milk and go to sleep. You toss around in your sleep. The milk gets churned. It turns into butter. Butter churned, turns into cheese. Cheese turns to fat. Fat into sugar. Sugar into alcohol. So you wake up with alcohol in your stomach. That is why you feel intoxicated in the morning.""So what do I do?" asked the man, bewildered."Simple. Don't drink the milk," said Hodja. "Here, give it to me."And taking the milkcan from the man, the Mulla walked away, leaving the man gaping .
The Mind-Reader
Once at a crossroad, Mulla Nasruddin Hodja saw a portly nobleman riding towards him."I say, Mulla," said the man. "Which is the way to the palace?""How did you know I was a Mulla?" asked Hodja. The nobleman had a habit of addressing every scholarly-looking man as "Mulla," which was a title given to learned men and meant "master" but he didn’t want to tell Hodja that. "How did I know?" he bragged. "Well, I’m a mind-reader, that’s how.""Pleased to meet you," said Hodja. "As to your question, read my mind and proceed."
Speedy Ox
A horse race was about to be held and the contestants were being lined up.
Mulla Nasruddin Hodja came with an ox and asked that it be included in the race.
"Have you gone mad?" said the organisers. "What chance does an ox have against horses?"
"You talk that way because you do not know anything about my ox," said Hodja. "When it was a mere calf it could run almost as fast as a pony. Now that it is older it should be able to run even faster."
Hodja's Rich Dream
Hodja had a dream.A man knocked at his door and asked if he could spend the night in his house. He said he would pay 10 gold coins for the privilege. Hodja agreed and showed him to his room.The next morning, the man thanked Hodja and began taking out gold coins from his purse. He took out nine and stopped."You promised to give me ten!" shouted Hodja and awoke. He looked around for the man but there was no one there.He quickly shut his eyes again. "All right all right," he said. "Give me nine!"
The Donkey's Relatives
Hodja was on his way to the market with a basketful of vegetables which he had loaded on his donkey. Halfway the donkey suddenly stopped. Hodja tried to coax it to move forward again but the animal would not budge. In anger and desperation Hodja began to belabour it with a stick.People began to gather around them."Why are you beating the poor creature?" asked one man."Stop beating it at once!" ordered a second man."What a cruel man you are!" said a third.Hodja gave his donkey an admiring look."If I had known you had so many relatives to defend you, I would never have hit you," he said. "I can see you come from a large and loud-mouthed family." The men who had commented, strode away indignantly and the crowd dispersed leaving Hodja to deal with his donkey as he thought fit.
Hodja’s Holy House
Hodja once lived in a rented house. The building was old and whenever there was a strong wind, its rafters would creak and squeak. One day when the landlord came to collect the rent, Hodja told him about the alarming noises the building was making. “Don’t let that worry you,” said the landlord, airily. “Those noises are nothing but the praises the old building is singing to the Almighty.”“Oh, I’m not worried about the hymns,” said Hodja. “But what if it decided to kneel down and worship him?”
Hodja Goes to a Tailor
Nasruddin Hodja went to a tailor with a piece of cloth and asked the tailor to stitch him a shirt. The tailor took his measurements. “When will it be ready?” Nasruddin asked the tailor.“God willing, it’ll be ready in a week’s time,” said the man. Nasruddin could hardly wait for the week to pass. On the morning of the seventh day he hurried to the tailor’s shop. He was bitterly disappointed when he learnt that the shirt was not ready. “God willing, it will be ready the day after tomorrow,” said the tailor. Two days later, Nasruddin was again at the tailor’s shop. The shirt was still not ready. “God willing it’ll be ready on Saturday,” said the tailor. On Saturday it was the same story. “God willing...,” began the tailor. “Stop! Stop!” said Hodja, now thoroughly fed up. “Tell me, how long will it take if you leave God out of this?”
A Question of Time
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.“Hey, you!” said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?”“Yes,” replied Hodja.“Which way did it go?” demanded the man.Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone. The man rode away without a word of thanks but he was back within minutes.“No sign of it!” he said. “Are you sure it went that way?”“I am certain,” replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago.”
Hodja is Relieved
One day two men came running to Hodja's house. "What's the matter?" asked Hodja. "A man resembling you was knocked down by a cart in the market," they said. "We thought it was you and came to inform your wife.""Was he of my height?" asked Hodja. "Yes," said the men. "Did he have a beard like me?""Yes!""What was the colour of his shirt?""Pink.""Pink!" shouted Hodja, in relief. "Then it was not me. I don't have a pink shirt."
Hodja and the Scholar
Nasruddin Hodja ferrying a scholar across a river said something ungrammatical to him. "Have you never studied grammar?" asked the scholar."No," said Hodja. "Then half your life has been wasted," said the scholar looking pityingly at him. Sometime later Hodja turned to his passenger. "Have you ever learnt to swim?" he asked. "No," said the scholar. "Then your whole life has been wasted," said Hodja. "We're sinking."
Hodja's Donkey
Nasruddin Hodja took his donkey to the market place and sold it for 30 dinars. The man who bought it immediately put it up for auction. "Look at this fine animal!" he shouted to passersby. "Have you ever seen a better specimen of a donkey? See how clean and strong it is!"And he went on to list the many qualities of the animal. At the end of his sales talk a man said he would give 40 dinars for it. Another man offered 50. A third offered 55. Hodja who was watching was amazed at the interest everyone was showing in the donkey. "What a fool I was to think it an ordinary animal," thought Hodja. "It is an incomparable beast, one in a million..." He suddenly realised that the owner had received a good offer and was about to close the bidding. "75 dinars once..." said the man. "75 dinars twice...""80 dinars!" said Hodja.
Hodja Suggests a Remedy
One day Hodja met an acquaintance in the street. The man looked worried and Hodja asked him what was troubling him."I have this terrible dream," said the man. "Every night I dream there's a monster hiding under the bed. When I get up and look there's no one there nut I can't sleep afterwards. I am on my way to the doctor's house now. He says he can cure me for a hundred dinars.""A hundred dinars!" exclaimed Hodja. "I can rid you of your problem for five!"The man immediately took out 5 dinars and gave them to Hodja."Now tell me what to do," said the man."The remedy is simple," said Hodja, pocketing the money."Saw off the legs of the bed."
Hodja Refuses to Write
One day Hodja's neighbour asked him to write a letter for him. "To whom do you want to write?" asked Hodja."To my friend in Baghdad," said the man. "Sorry," said Hodja. "I have no time to go to Baghdad." "Who is asking you to go to Baghdad!" asked his neighbour. "All I want you to do is write a letter for me!" "I know," said Hodja. "But my handwriting is so bad that no one there will be able to read my writing and finally they will send for me. And as I've told you I've no time to go to Baghdad."
Hodja, the King
Hodja, deep in thought was walking down a road near the palace when he bumped into a man.The man got very angry and began to curse and shout at Hodja."Do you know who I am!" he screamed. "I am the king's Advisor!""That is nice," said Hodja. "As for me I am a king.""A king?" asked the man. "Over which country do you rule?""I rule over myself," said Hodja. "I am master of my passions. You would never find me losing my temper as you did just now."The man apologised and went away feeling very ashamed of himself.
The Incomplete Coffin
A rich man showed Nasruddin Hodja the coffin he had got made for himself.He wanted Hodja to admire the quality of the wood."What do you think of the carvings on the sides?" he asked Hodja. "Don't you think they are superb?"Hodja nodded his head appreciatively."I insisted that the inside be lined with felt - the best felt material of course!" the man boasted."Of course," agreed Hodja."I wanted it to be perfect," the man went on. "Do you think anything is missing?""Yes," replied Hodja, "the occupant."
Okie I know wasn't great, but didnt you read it through; thats what kept me going
